by Ross Bishop
Our minds are full of many thoughts. Some are accurate, others are not. Deep down, what do you truly believe about yourself? The simple truth is that our negative thoughts deceive us! However, we are so used to them that we hardly notice them. How many self-critical thoughts do you have about yourself? This process isn't constructive. It’s not meant to help you become a better person; its purpose is to keep you down until you can hold the truth about who you are.
If I asked you to list your qualities, you'd probably mention caring, kindness, compassion, and thoughtfulness. And those would all be true. But what happens to those qualities when we encounter the pressures and chaos of interacting with others? Then we’re not always as compassionate and caring as we would prefer.
Why is that? Offering compassion means taking the risk of being exposed and vulnerable, and we sometimes lack the confidence to do that. What if they reject us? What if we offend them? You know the routine. Although this varies from person to person, overall, we’re often just not brave enough to take the risk of being that vulnerable. It’s safer to wall off and close the door.
Is this a flaw in us? You make hundreds of decisions every day, and all of them will be correct, and then there’s that one occasional mistake. Mistakes come with being human! But that leaves you vulnerable to your internal mechanism of self-criticism. The goal is for us to learn from our goof-ups! That is how we develop and grow! Now, I am not advocating that you go around purposefully making dumb mistakes; there is no learning in doing that. But learning from our screw-ups gives us the chance to learn and make changes! The alternative is to make a mistake and then punish yourself for failing, which many people do - sometimes for years!
Sure, you can always do more, and you should always try to, but there’s even more to this. The fear of screwing up is the fear that holds us back in our relationships, friendships, and partnerships. It prevents us from moving forward in our careers and, in general, limits our lives. In simple terms, we don’t believe we’re worthy enough, and our mistakes give credence to that belief!
Until we embrace the truth, it will be impossible to free ourselves from this guilt and to transform what has been an error into something positive. The solution lies in accepting the truth about who we truly are. And who we are is quite simple. At the core, we are kind, considerate and empathetic. It really isn’t any more complicated than that.
Ideally, you would reject your negative thoughts because they will conflict with the truth - and that’s the challenge we all face. You’re not living in the truth about yourself. Until you do, your negative thoughts will hold you prisoner.
Negativity tends to run rampant within us. The simple truth is that as long as we believe these thoughts, we keep fueling them. What are your negative, self-critical thoughts? Why do you believe them? Are you really that unlovable, or is that just a belief? In any case, what is the truth?
Although seeking the truth is simple in theory, it can be difficult in practice. You need to be willing to accept the truth about yourself, and most people are not prepared to accept that. Where does this come from? You might blame your upbringing. After all, your tendency to believe negative thoughts stems from your relationship with your parents (who were intentionally chosen to help you learn these lessons). Considering what you've brought into this lifetime, even if you were placed in the most nurturing environment, doubts would still arise within you. That’s what you came here to address. Your parents were just minor characters in your story. The real explanation lies elsewhere.
When your negative beliefs surface, can you feel the tension between what you believe and the truth? Do you even know what the truth is? Are you good enough? Do you deserve to be loved? Then there are the comparisons with others - are you smart enough? Are you pretty or handsome enough? The thing is, even if you could be aware of the truth, it’s unlikely that you would accept it. You see, you have been convinced that whatever your beliefs are, that is who you are!
Allow me to offer a metaphor: science teaches us that the universe cannot tolerate a vacuum. When your work on yourself isn't complete, a vacuum exists within you, which the universe will not tolerate. Because positive thoughts aren't present, the universe fills the space with the only other thing it has - negative thoughts - such as “you’re not worthy,” “you’re not good enough,” or “there’s something wrong with you.” Until you fill yourself with the truth, your negative beliefs will remain active, holding you back from going after what you might otherwise pursue.
Try this. Take something you know to be true, like “All people are created equal.” Feel that. It reaches all the way down to your toes. Now pick something you know isn’t true, like “You have three hands.” Can you feel the lie in that? Notice how different it feels and how flat the second statement seems. Someone inside knows the truth! If you learn to listen for the difference, it can help you on your journey home.
Now, let’s raise the stakes — “You’re not good enough.” “You are unworthy.” “You’re not attractive.” What just happened? Your mind becomes a jumble of conflicting beliefs you are willing to accept because you do not (yet) live in the truth about who you are.
Another thing to notice is that following your negative beliefs gives you license to avoid troubling situations. If you believe you’re not good enough, you’ll dodge the situation or maybe not even try to work through it. If you think you don’t deserve it, you won’t aim for that promotion at work or seek out that interesting person you just met. As a result, you learn to settle for less than you deserve.
In a past encounter, you couldn’t have done things differently. Your actions were driven by your beliefs. The problem is that most people stop there and suffer rather than learn from the experience, make changes and move forward. And if that wasn’t challenging enough, once you see it, you'll still hesitate to change because your beliefs are deeply ingrained in your self-image.
You might even want to change, but doing so can still be difficult. We need to be pushed through one situation after another until, ultimately, whether through internal conflicts or conflicts with others, we surrender our beliefs and accept the truth about who we are. The central purpose of life is to learn from our mistakes and change the beliefs that drive us to act as we do.
As you grow, your beliefs will create conflicts with others and within yourself. Hopefully, you will start to recognize the truth. Even if you don’t believe it today, whatever level of truth you hold can lay the groundwork for your growth and development. Yes, you may feel unworthy, but is that truly who you are? The gap between that feeling and the truth is what will give you the leverage to come home eventually.
The Creator designed life on Earth to resolve this dilemma. You see, He couldn’t simply give us the truth because we have free will, and He chose not to violate that. So, whether you like it or not, you must find the truth for yourself. But you’re not alone—everyone faces the same dilemma.
It's often helpful to see things from another person's perspective. It gives you a different point of view and helps you better understand the truth about who and what you are. Find a good shaman who can help you view life and yourself more objectively and help you untangle yourself from your beliefs. In the meantime, you could ask a trusted friend or, even better, two people, to honestly share what they see in you. They’ll have their own issues, but don’t dismiss their input outright because of that. Look for the truth in what they say. If they are wrong, you’ll know it, but be careful not to let your defenses arbitrarily dismiss their observations! And look into your reluctance to do this!
Life will give you many opportunities to work on your issues. Still, it often requires force—sometimes quite a bit of it—to free us from our beliefs. This explains most of our struggles in life. What helps is that as you start to accept the truth, the world responds. There isn’t much conflict, either inside you or with others, when you stop fueling the flames with your fears and negative beliefs. That’s what you’ve come here to learn to do.
That is the Creator’s insurance policy. You can’t come home until you resolve your conflict and accept the truth about who you are. Unlike some church teachings, heaven and hell are not places we go; they are environments we create for ourselves when we either accept or deny the truth about ourselves.
Eventually, we must all accept the truth and let go of our self-perceptions. There is simply nowhere else for us to go! The only challenge is how much pain you'll create for yourself on the journey. When you finally accept the truth, you'll see that your negative beliefs were like toys—things given to students to help them learn who they really are. And as always, the choice is yours.
A commercial: If you decide to accept this challenge — and, honestly, few people do — I’ve created a workshop called “Unlocking The Secrets To Life and Happiness.” You can find it at: https://www.rossbishop.com/workshop/.
