by Ross Bishop
Let’s talk about beliefs. They get lumped into one category, but there are actually two kinds. The first is the good stuff – you know, “All people are created equal,” and “You are love.” Those really aren’t beliefs, they are reflections of Universal Truth. Real beliefs, at this stage in our development, are the things we wrestle with every day – “You’re not good enough,” “You’re not lovable,” “You’re not worthy.” That sort of thing.
These are negative messages and it’s easy to understand why one would want to be rid of them. This is especially true because beliefs are blatantly false! And trying to live, being driven by your beliefs, creates conflict with other people and within yourself. And that produces nothing but emptiness and pain! And yes, it’s all a crock!
But beliefs are not easy to eliminate, are they? That is because we have come to believe they are true! Life continually reinforces the belief that you are unworthy, unlovable, inadequate, unlikeable, etc. So it is understandable that you feel that way. But take any of the things you believe about yourself and hold it up to the light as it were, and “poof” it disappears because there is nothing there. Put simply, you are not the person life has made you out to be. But there is much more to this. Allow me to explain:
The process you are involved in was designed to make you feel as you do. Not out of malice, but because The Creator wants you to know the truth about yourself. But because you have free will, it cannot just be given to you. You have to come to it on your own. And believe it or not, the best way to do that is to start out believing the opposite.
You came in with issues to resolve about your worthiness. That’s why you are here. And after many trials and tribulations, you’ll get tired of being in pain, realize that the beliefs you have taken on are false, release them, and embrace the truth about yourself. That is the way life on Earth works.
But we can be stubborn. We cling to what is familiar, even though it can be unpleasant. We started out feeling unlovable and inadequate and that is all we really know. Feeling lovable has been a remote concept, actually a threat, and there is fear about going into what we have never experienced and don’t really believe. Someone could always come along and pull the rug out from under you! And that is because your faith in your lovability has never been truly anchored.
Your parents stumbled into your vulnerabilities and confirmed your feelings of unworthiness. The way the system works is that they were chosen for you for just that purpose. It really wasn’t their fault, it was designed to be that way. The result was that you came out of childhood feeling like damaged goods, and you would spend much of the rest of your life learning to undo those beliefs. This can be a little difficult to accept, but this is how things were supposed to be! Like it or not, that’s the way the system works
NOTE: I am going to be talking about your inner child here, but since we have two sexes, writing while constantly going “him or her” or “he or she,” is a pain, so I am going to refer to your inner child as “she” and the males reading this will have to adapt. OK?
When you resist moving to compassion, it hurts. It’s that simple. Inside you is a child who literally had the emotional stuffing beat out of her. This kid was pummeled year after year by your parent’s dysfunctional behavior, and she believes pretty much whatever they dished out.
She had no choice. Kids can’t psychologically analyze their parents and decide that mom is insecure or dad has an inferiority complex. Kids just bury their feelings and pain inside and conclude that something is wrong with them. Again, this is part of the grand design. Had you been able to discern your parent’s behavior, the whole setup would have been for naught. The result is, when called upon to operate from the truth, the kid simply can’t. She believes that you are unworthy, unlovable, etc. Her entire existence has been to compensate for your “unworthiness.”
And something to remember is that you are not really in control of your life – she is. You get to balance your checkbook and decide where to go for dinner, but when it comes to an emotionally charged situation, that’s her territory and she takes over in a heartbeat. And what takes over is a wounded, scared, and often angry child. And no one had better get in her way!
The secret to getting out of this situation is to bring her the truth about herself. And interestingly, you are the only one who can do that. How? Find some quiet space and ask your inner one to come and be with you. Your initial meeting may be rocky. Your kid will probably be irritated with you for not being there for her, for what, the last 20-30 years! She will also probably still be angry at your folks for what happened during her childhood.
Hold love and compassion for your inner one. Apologize for not being there. After all, she has been through a lot. And even though she may initially be angry, she instinctively knows that you are her only way out of her dilemma. Let her know that you will be a friend and will be there to love and protect her. (Remember how vulnerable she was when she was little.)
You are going to want to visit with your inner child a lot, so plan accordingly. Make visiting with her an important part of your daily routine. Once you get past the initial stuff, talk with her about what she feels about herself. Aside from the good stuff, (which is a reflection of Universal Truth), you will hear the litany of negative self-messages. This is like playing a recording of your parent’s insecurities, and the thing is, none of it is true! Become the arbiter of truth for her. You both need this relationship of trust.
Complicating matters will be that you will have come to believe these negative messages yourself. You can work with this, but it’s like climbing a very steep hill. If you can find a therapist who has not just read books but has actually dealt with her stuff, that will help a great deal. Better yet, find a good shaman. Shamanic training requires that the trainee deal with their woundedness. Something else you can try is to go inside and ask The Creator to tell you the truth about yourself. And yes, it is that easy! You will hear just a few words, and they may be difficult to believe, but take them to heart.
As you continue to work, emotions are likely to bubble up. There will probably be some tears of sadness and some anger. Don’t rush to confront your parents about what happened. Your emotions will probably be too raw, and there may be an element of revenge in your motivation. There will be time to speak with them later.
If you stick with this, things will begin to change. The residue of anger and frustration you have carried all these years will begin to dissipate. Your negative self-thoughts will no longer dominate your behavior. You will not need to compensate for being who you are. You will begin to find more compassion for yourself and others. You will truly be on the road home.
I did not write this article for this purpose, but if you desire to learn more, I have written a book about this process. The book is called Healing The Shadow, and you can order it from my website: www.rossbishop.com. There are other related articles there too.
Happy journeying!
