by Ross Bishop
How vulnerable are you to being criticized? No one likes being unfairly judged, but does it crumple you up inside like a ball of tin foil? Does it sit in your craw and eat at you for months, sometimes even years? And worst of all, is the brutal self-criticism we sometimes lay on ourselves!
There is a secret to resolving all this, but it gets a little complicated, so please bear with me. First, let’s assume that what they said or did, stuck somewhere inside. Or, that what you did came up against a higher moral standard that you hold yourself to (be careful of that one!). This is important because it tells us that whatever happened, struck a chord that resonated within you. At some level you believed what they said to be true. Or that you were “wrong” in what you did. Otherwise you would have just passed the criticism by.
Allow me to illustrate: If I said, “Your hair is blue,” unless you are amongst the hair color crowd, you know that what I have said is untrue, and you’d pass it off like water off a duck. You would just allow it to pass by without reacting.
But if they “hit a nerve,” as it were, you will have a completely different reaction. For example, if I or they were to say something like, “You are not worthy,” or, “You are not good enough,” we have a different situation, don’t we? Why is that? It is because some part of you is vulnerable to that criticism. It believes that what we have said is true. And then you will have to react.
The same thing applies what you have done. We have all done regrettable things, and there is a reason for that, and I will address that in a minute. But don’t miss the “we have all” part. How is it possible that all of us have screwed up? Just being human? There is much more to it than that. That is not to excuse regrettable behavior, but the explanation for it is not that you are a “bad” person, for then, we would all be “bad” people. Fundamentalist preachers have been milking that one for years.
Let’s look at that sensitive part of you and see what is going on. First of all, it is highly unlikely that this is a new issue. What they said or did just ripped the scab off an old wound. That wound, in this lifetime, came probably from your parents.
Your woundedness exists because there is a vulnerability – a soft spot – as it were – a belief you hold – regarding this issue. You brought the issue in with you, and believe it or not, selected a circumstance – such as a set of parents – that would guarantee that you would be wounded in the exact place that this issue resides. Coincidence? Hardly.
The reason this is important is that this vulnerability determines what you believe about yourself at the very core of your being – issues like self worth or worthiness. And, believe it or not, when someone pokes at that vulnerability, they are giving you the opportunity to deal with the issue.
I am not suggesting that you thank them for pulling your chain, but you need to understand that this is not just some random occurrence. It is a part of the process of us perfecting ourselves. And when you step back and observe the complexity and the perfection of it in each person’s life, you stand in awe of the process.
Having said that, it is sometimes difficult to witness the things we sometimes do to one another, but you also need to realize that everything that happens here stays here. None of this is eternal, except what we feel about it, but that is a subject for another article.
OK, so someone hurt you. What to do? First, locate the part of you that carries the belief that resonates with what happened. This will be an inner child. And the two of you are probably not well acquainted. Hold her, comfort her, talk to her. When a reasonable relationship has been created with her, get her to tell you what she feels about the issue. Get her to take you back to where it originated in this lifetime, (that sort of thing.) You can deal with the past lives part later. (If you want more help with this, consider my video series: “A Shaman’s Path To Inner Peace. (http://www.rossbishop.com/videos/) or my book, Healing The Shadow (http://www.rossbishop.com/product/healing-the-shadow/).
Now here’s where this all gets really interesting: You will find that she took on beliefs about herself, (because of her vulnerability), that were not true. You see, you cannot be any of these things, but you/she can believe them. The incredible perfection of God’s plan is that for all the trouble you and she are having, what you are wrestling with cannot possibly be true. But you can buy into it, and she has (and you may have too).
The redeeming quality to all of this is that once you and she come to hold the truth about yourself, that truth will be unshakeable. Perhaps you feel that the process has been unfair and abusive. And we can be pretty hard on each other. I am not going to tell you that I understand the why’s and wherefores of it all, I don’t, I don’t think anyone does. But I can tell you how the system works and what you can do about it. Maybe someday God will give us a better explanation, but apparently this is not the time for that understanding. This is a time for us to grow and change.
copyright©Blue Lotus Press 2021
