by Ross Bishop
Are you really happy? Or have you just settled into a routine like most of the rest of us? You see, being happy is not part of the program of our being here. You came here to learn the truth about yourself. And like all learning, the process is stressful. Therefore, being happy is sort of a non-sequitur.
There will come a time when you will be happy, but that is down the road a ways. You believe a set of untruths about yourself, and those must be dispelled for you to turn the corner. In the meantime, learning to accept your true self can be challenging. You have to face your fears and anxieties, and that can be anything other than pleasant.
And the Creator could not simply imbue the truth into you because you have free will. You will have to come to accept the truth for yourself. And that's the dilemma that life presents. And that is also why you have come to Earth.
Jesus’ Commandment to “Love your neighbor as yourself" is a bit of a Jedi mind trick. It is easy to be with another person and love them, even with all of their problems. After all, isn’t that what you do with your partner or your friends? You still love them even though they sometimes do or say things that are a little “wonky.” Because when it comes to loving someone else, those things don't really matter! They are just things we all sometimes do, and they are not who we are! We are all flawed, but that doesn’t affect our lovability (up to a certain point). It’s like, “I see your struggles and problems for what they are, and I love you, regardless.
It’s the same when others look at us; those things are simply not that important! But that is not how we feel about them! When it comes to loving ourselves, our failings and problems suddenly become obstacles. Why is that? It has to do with our spiritual development.
If the things you sometimes do didn’t bother you, likely, you wouldn’t pay much attention to them! And then the whole purpose of your being here would be a waste! When Jesus said, "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” He was presenting us with a challenge. He loved us unconditionally, and He was saying, "You are lovable to me, and if I can love you, you can love you too!”
That may seem a little unfair, but the Creator had to create an incentive to motivate you to change, and this is the method He chose. There are some things you can do to help the situation, however. When we don't love ourselves, it's often because we're entrenched in negative thinking patterns that distort our self-image.
Many of us walk around with an ideal version of ourselves in our heads—who has everything figured out, never makes mistakes, and is always admired. But the problem comes when our real selves don't live up to that impossible standard. Psychologists call that "cognitive dissonance," the uncomfortable tension between our actual self and our idealized self. And it doesn’t help that we constantly compare ourselves to others. We see their strengths and tend to ignore seeing the whole person.
Another thing, our brains are wired for survival, not self-love. One of the key survival mechanisms is called “negativity bias,” which means we tend to focus more on the bad than the good. That's why a single negative comment can stick with you for days, while you will forget compliments you received. And the voice of your inner critic can be relentless. It's the part of you that amplifies self-doubt, magnifies mistakes and convinces you that you're not good enough. In the shaman’s world, we refer to this voice as your “shadow self.”
This bias will distort the way you see yourself, emphasizing your flaws and downplaying your strengths. Silencing this voice is one of the hardest but most transformative steps you can take in cultivating self-love. Our inner critic is a reflection of negative messages we've internalized over time—from our parents, society or previous relationships. It's important to recognize that this voice does not speak the truth, but a harmful pattern of thinking. Fortunately, it is something that you can change. Silencing your inner critic involves challenging negative thoughts and replacing them with kinder, more supportive messages.
One technique that helps is practicing self-compassion. When your shadow self tells you that you've failed or fallen short, respond with the same kindness you'd offer a close friend. Instead of, “I'm a failure,” try, “I'm doing my best, and that's enough.” Over time, this shift in mindset can actually quiet the inner critic and allow you to treat yourself with the love and understanding you deserve.
Forgiving yourself is one of the hardest yet most essential practices of self-love. We all make mistakes. We all fall short of our expectations at times. But holding onto guilt, shame, or regret can create an emotional weight that holds you back from fully embracing self-love.
Self-forgiveness isn't about excusing bad behavior or pretending mistakes didn't happen. Instead, it's about accepting that you are human and capable of growth. When you learn to forgive yourself, you allow space for healing, learning, and moving forward. You free yourself from the past and open up the possibility for a brighter, more compassionate future.
But genuine self-love goes much deeper than surface-level care. It's about forming a relationship with yourself that's built on kindness, acceptance, and respect—no matter where you are in life or how you're feeling. In terms of self-esteem, loving yourself helps you build confidence from the inside out. Instead of relying on external factors—like achievements, looks, or the opinions of others—to feel good about yourself, you begin to trust your own value. This internal validation leads to a more stable and enduring sense of self-esteem, one that isn't easily shaken by life's ups and downs.
As Louise Hay puts it, “I forgive myself and set myself free.” Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself, allowing you to step out of a cycle of self-blame and into a place of love and acceptance. It's a reminder that you deserve to move forward, free from the weight of past mistakes. After all, it is why you are here.
The poet who goes by the moniker “The Fallen Poet” has published a collection of poems entitled “Between Heaven and Earth: Poems About Losing and Finding Yourself.” I highly recommend this book. His poems are all over social media. I want to share one of his poems with you:
Never Be Okay Again
Isn’t it strange that you can go through something so painful, so life-shattering, that you’re convinced you’ll never be okay again?
You wake up every day carrying it, feeling its weight in everything you do. It lingers in your chest, in your thoughts. It feels permanent, like a scar that will never fade.
And yet, somehow, without even noticing when it happened, time moves forward. Days run into weeks, weeks into months. One day, you realize that you went the whole morning without thinking about it. Then a whole afternoon. Then a whole day.
The pain is still there, but it’s softer now. It doesn’t hit as hard. It doesn’t steal the air from your lungs like it used to. The memories don’t cut as deep. And you find yourself smiling again, laughing without forcing it. living without feeling like you have to carry the past with you everywhere you go.
And that’s when you understand-you were healing all along. You were becoming stronger, even when you felt weak. You were learning to move forward, even when you thought you never could.
Maybe growth isn’t loud. Maybe healing isn’t obvious. Maybe, sometimes, the biggest changes happens quietly.
And one day, you wake up and realize the pain that once consumed you no longer defines you.
