by Ross Bishop
Why is life so difficult? First of all, we are being asked to deal with the unfinished parts of ourselves. That understanding hangs in the fog just outside our normal awareness because knowing that when we were young, could have disrupted the entire process.
The undertaking we are involved in means making changes to what we believe about ourselves. But we resist doing that. Although our life has potholes, we would rather stay in our more familiar “comfort zone” with all it’s troubles, than face the uncertainties of the unknown. After all, giving up our old ways is something we have not experienced. And change is threatening, even though it holds the promise of a positive and peaceful future.
But we cannot grow and develop without making changes. We must be willing to step out of what has become familiar and face our fears of the (sort of) unknown in order to truly live. Our lessons are intended to help us in that process. But when we resist, we place ourselves out of synch with the The Universe. It’s like trying to swim upstream. We expend a good deal of energy and don’t get very far. And we experience discomfort, sometimes even pain.
That pain is intended as a motivator to encourage us to let go of the beliefs we are attached to that put us out of harmony. And when we do move, and begin to accept our worthiness, we begin to experience life with grace. Until then, our lessons feel like personal flaws, but they are not. They are just something we haven’t learned do well, yet.
Allow me to repeat myself: there is nothing “wrong” with you. But you are also not finished. Life’s purpose is to get you to accept your worthiness as opposed to the self doubts and uncertainties you hold today. As I said, life is constantly bringing you “lessons,” to illustrate the places where you do not move with grace. Those lessons are created by your beliefs, which inherently conflict with the natural harmonies of life.
An analogy may help you to understand the process better: Remember when you were first learning to ride a bicycle? Your initial efforts were clumsy and crude. But with practice (and patience) you got better. Eventually you found a new freedom, and flew down the street with the wind in your hair! The bicycle that was once unfamiliar and perhaps even threatening, had now become an asset. Thus it is with life.
So today perhaps your life feels like has a flat tire. It is like the bicycle when you were first learning to ride it. The thing is, you have the power to change things! But, you have to take the risk to step into the unknown and change. And, sometimes you will fail as you learn! So, as Fred Astaire once sang (and danced):
Nothing’s impossible I have found,
For when my chin is on the ground,
I pick myself up,
Dust myself off,
And start all over again.
Don’t lose your confidence if you slip,
Be grateful for a pleasant trip,
And pick yourself up,
Dust yourself off,
And start all over again.
(from Swing Time, 1936)
Remember the old fairly tales where the hero goes into the cave to confront the dragon? Well, those stories really aren’t for children, they are for adults. They are the metaphor for what I have been talking about. What do you think the dragon represents? Will facing down the fierce dragon be worth it? Remember, dragons always guarded a treasure trove of gold, that they had no use for. I wonder what that signified?
As you go through this process, it is important to remember that you are worthy of love and acceptance. We all are. We don’t need to be perfect in order to be loved. We just need to be ourselves, (in the ideal, without our limiting beliefs). The challenge is, as I say, to change and grow.
It can be difficult to accept our worthiness, especially when we have been hurt or traumatized in the past. But it’s important to remember that you are not your past. We are not our mistakes. Those are part of our learning process. Of course, you don’t want hurt others, but it happens sometimes. Just do not to do so intentionally.
The point is that we are not our flaws. We are simply human beings who are trying to make our way through life. But, those lessons are for us to learn from. As someone once said, “The first time is a mistake. The second time is a choice.”
With the right perspective, you can see your lessons as an opportunity to learn. Whether you’re going through something as serious and life-changing as a divorce or are trying to get through a stressful work situation, you are encouraged to tap into your inner strength and focus on your potential. If one can practice strength from within, that is more powerful than any outwardly negative.
The Japanese have a great respect for hand crafted pottery. And they know that when a pot breaks it will do so at it’s weakest place. In order to honor a special piece, that has given many years of good service, the Japanese practice “Kintsugi,” which is the art of honoring a valued piece by putting it’s broken pieces back together with gold or silver. And in doing so, you create an even stronger, more beautiful piece of art.
Kintsugi is a 400-year-old technique that recognizes “flaws” as an integral part of the process of life. Using this as a metaphor for healing ourselves, teaches us an important lesson that sometimes in the process of repairing that which has been broken, we create something more unique, beautiful and resilient.
Another Japanese practice I like is “yuimaru,” which is the practice of valuing togetherness, which is something we forget as we tend to isolate ourselves when we are in pain. Yuimaru helps us to heal through the strength and nourishment of friends and family. I often wish we could give ourselves the love and support we get from others.
Here are some tips for accepting your worthiness:
- Be kind to yourself. Be there for yourself. Accept yourself for who you are, flaws and all, because we are all unfinished.
- Practice self-acceptance. Be your best friend and support system.
- Forgive yourself for your mistakes, (but do learn from them).
- Connect with supportive people. Surround yourself with those who love and accept you for who you are.
If we’re willing to do the work, the rewards are great. Doing so, we can learn to love and accept ourselves, and we can live a life that is truly fulfilling. Accepting your worthiness is a journey, not a destination. It takes time, effort, and patience. But it is a journey well worth taking.
What follows a poem written by Tai Carmen, a student:
Unbreaking The Vase
by Tai Carmen
After death spat me out of its dark belly—
I had to learn how to breathe again,
had to walk through the forest, willing my pain to drop
through the soles of my feet
into the dirt, the earth
transmuting my pain
with its tender
indifference.
The wind has picked the sorrows from my hair, one at a time,
and blown them like dandelion seeds
into the air, whispering,
make a wish.
I have lain in the meadow, letting the sun beat the regret out of me,
like water pummeling a stone until it’s smooth.
Fed by the milky moon,
as I lay under her fullness
until I saw
how everything
is draped in iridescence,
especially us.
We have been trained out of seeing it.
Just as we have been trained out of seeing
that the sky
and the earth
and the forests
are all part of us.
No molecular distinction between my hand and yours,
our separation like the lines between countries.
When faced with the grandeur of your true beauty,
don’t turn away, thinking, That couldn’t be me.
When we don’t claim our light we get lost in the dark.
I have tried to treat my brokenness
like the Japanese art
of mending vases
with veins of gold—
damage as history,
honored, not concealed.
I call my fragments
back to me,
like a vase shattering in reverse.
copyright@2023 Blue Lotus Press
