by Ross Bishop
If you ask people what’s missing from their lives, you’ll get a litany of what’s not happening for them. What you won’t hear is an understanding of why that is. Even with all the therapy, self-help books and workshops out there, people are generally unable to look into the beliefs (about themselves) that create those dilemmas.
Each of our lives is a perfect reflection of what we believe. Don’t believe you are worthy? Guess what you’re gonna get. Don’t believe you are lovable . . . deserving . . . defective . . . or whatever, and that is the direction your life is going to take. So, it’s not that your life is wrong, or even unfair. The Universe is responding as it must, to what you believe.
We put a good deal of effort into compensating for our “inadequacies.” In fact, the dance we do can be rather incredible. And you can cover your life with a lot of band-aids, but the truth has a way of getting out, regardless of our attempts to conceal it. Part of the problem is that we disassociate, because we don’t want to deal with the possibility that we might actually be the things we believe. Now the long story about this is to ultimately show you that the things you believe about yourself could not possibly be true, but that is for another conversation.
The good news is that there is a remedy. And it begins by going back to when your beliefs about yourself were first created. And yes, I am talking about your wounded inner child. He or she is the one who holds the core beliefs you carry. And your inner child is a good deal more powerful than you probably realize. You get to balance your checkbook and decide where to go for dinner, but when the situation becomes emotionally charged, that’s her territory. And she rules it with an unwavering fierceness!
There are many workshops that help you address what you believe, but until your inner one can be convinced that what she has come to believe about herself is untrue, you will have spent your money pushing a rock up a mountain.
Your beliefs were formed early in life, primarily from your relationship with your parents. I am not here to criticize parents, they did the best they could. But at the same time, even though they loved you, many parents have a difficult time giving a young child the unconditional love a child needs. Your parents likely didn’t get the love they needed when they were children and they do not know how to give unconditional love to you, or anyone else either, for that matter.
The upshot of all this is that you came away from your interactions with your parents not being totally sure you were as lovable as you were supposed to be. You started out life being unsure of your lovability. Guess what happened then? By the time you had been bounced around in the pinball machine that passes for life, driven by your belief in your inadequacies, you will have received years of reinforcement about your “flaws.” And as a result, you were even more convinced of your incompleteness, and she will have been driven deeper into her cave.
OK, enough about the dilemma. What can you do about it? If you can get quiet for a little while, you can ask your inner child to come and be with you. Now he or she has been repressed for quite some time, so she may be angry at you for shutting her out and for not being there and for her. Hear her out.
She probably also feels like the world has given her a bad deal, or worse, that she deserved what she has received. Give her a lot of love and support, and she will come around. After all, she wants this worse than you do, and you are her only hope. She needs to know that you are there, that you care and that you aren’t going away. And this may take some time and effort on your part, but it’s one of the best investments you will ever make.
As you talk with her you will come to see that the beliefs she carries are not true. Let her know that what she has felt all these years began with a really unfortunate misunderstanding. If you have trouble reaching her, she may be expressing a lack of trust. Find yourself a good shaman.
The payoff for all of this is that, perhaps for the first time in your life, you will be at peace. The rumbles and distortions that have disturbed you all your life will be gone – replaced by a new, and probably unfamiliar, calm. This will be the most worthwhile thing you will ever do.
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