By Ross Bishop
What would make your life better? More money? More hours in the day? A better relationship? Better sex? Some sex? A better house? A new city? A maid? Time to relax and meditate? Less stress? A new job?
If that were true, what’s stopping you from having those things? Some of them might make you feel better in the short term, but if you really wanted them and felt that you deserved them, you would already have them.
The tenor of our lives is shaped by the many decisions we make every day. And it is through those decisions that our lives are shaped. Some decisions are more important than others, but each decision contributes to whether your life goes stunningly or poorly.
And what influences your decisions? What determines whether you take the red pill or the blue one? You would like to relax and flow with life. We all would.
But you can’t always do that. What gets in your way? Sure there is the surface stuff, but that is only window dressing. What really shapes your decisions is what you think of yourself – your beliefs. If you love and honor yourself you take one road, if you don’t, your fears will force you onto another path.
And although you do the best you can, when you compromise your decisions the outcome is guaranteed to ultimately go sour. Decisions based in fear or a belief other than Universal Truth may get you by for the moment, but they will eventually turn to bite you. You see, they must because The Universe will not accept compromises.
So, what is it that keeps you from making “good” decisions? First, let’s look at what a decision is. Start at the core – you’re hungry. Your body wants food
Beans and rice would suffice, but you want something more. What is that influence? You would “prefer” a salad with chicken. Why? Because you would “enjoy” the salad more. Eating beans and rice is boring – to whom? Who is it that wants the salad, and why?
Now enjoyment is an important part of eating, so I don’t want to stretch the analogy too far, but at some point in your decision making, this becomes far more about ego gratification than nutrition. You don’t really need that second piece of pie or that second helping of ice cream.
You don’t need to be unkind to others, either. But in that moment, your inner child does! Her wounds are desperate for solace. So, if she is convinced that she is not lovable, that second dish of ice cream can seem very enticing because it comforts (deadens) her pain.
In the same fashion, if she is afraid of being “found out” she must seek to protect herself. And if that means being unkind or selfish to others, so be it. She will take whatever steps she must in order to ease her pain or for protection. It’s false protection and the gratification doesn’t last, but in that moment, without your love and protection, it’s the best she can do.
Operating from fear, your ego urges you to get by, to take the “no risk” option. It says, “Don’t be honest, that will make you vulnerable.” “Don’t stand out, you might get criticized.” “That second helping won’t hurt you, go ahead, you’ll feel better.” “Don’t be emotional or let your feelings show, that’s weakness.” “And for God’s sake, don’t let anyone know about your pain, they’ll think you are damaged!”
Your separation from your inner one denies her your love and support and the many resources you could bring to the situation to protect her. This prevents the healthy resolution of her needs, so her response must, of necessity, be ego-based and self-serving. And she has the power to sustain that behavior regardless of what you would like. This is why affirmations and diets, for example, don’t often work very well.
You can ignore her, deny her needs and white-knuckle through these situations, but this requires you to hog-tie her. Toughing it out like that is the Marine Corps approach to life. It can get you through the moment, but it is a difficult way to live over the long term.
The book that explains why life is as it is. It provides an understanding of our problems, where they come from and why they are created. A down-to-earth, understandable guide as to why your life has happened as it did and what you can do to change it. Through this understanding your life takes on a whole new perspective and purpose! Using these insights your life can truly be different. . .
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