by Ross Bishop
In this article I’m going to offer you THE solution to your problems. And the solution is so incredibly simple that at first you won’t believe it. But first you’ll need some background information:
Each of us comes here with some things to learn. Mostly it’s about about loving ourselves and loving others. So if you want to know what the purpose of your life is – there it is. You could discover a cure for cancer or advance the cause of world peace, but those things are only corollaries to your primary reason for being here. But because we feel unlovable, we get scared, hold back and don’t fully engage. We don’t move easily and fluidly with life. We’re afraid of being judged, rejected, criticized or not measuring up – that sort of thing. Holding back from life creates some real problems!
Now we view problems in a negative light because of course, they are a pain. But at the core of every problem is some aspect of what you came here to learn – and even the smallest problem holds a kernel of that truth. Problems are The Universe’s way of asking you to look at and change your beliefs, but you probably resist doing that. The process is painful and stressful and it upsets the precepts you have based your life on. Your fear is that you will let go of the only thing you have ever known and because you are unworthy, be left hanging with nothing to anchor your life to. But nothing could be further from the truth.
Consider for a moment how a problem is created. Let’s start out with the fact that you don’t love yourself (core issue). The difficulty starts with an entanglement of some kind – a relationship with another person – that creates the situation and sets up the arena for discord.
Regardless of the context, because you don’t love yourself, you will not be able to openly and freely love them, regardless of how hard you try. Let’s say that as a kid you learned that to be open and vulnerable was risky. Those feelings and the beliefs they led to will determine your reaction to the present situation. Your desire may be there, but your fear will not allow you to be really open. But your reaction will have little to do with the present situation. The other will probably not understand, will sense your withholding and react. Then you’ll probably become defensive and either withdraw or react in turn, thus further escalating the situation.
There are natural or normal reactions to certain situations, but what will really drive your response will be the “spin” you put on things based the interpretation you place on what happened. And as I say, that will come from your upbringing, your other life experiences, etc.
My point is that your reaction, the thing that controls you behavior, may have less to do with what’s actually going on in the present than what you bring in from your past. Suzanne Heyn wrote, “Healing isn’t about changing who you are; it’s about changing your relationship to who you are.”
So this is how a problem is created. The difficulty is that most of us stop at this point and don’t go any further. You have become entangled in the situation, in the turmoil of the moment, in the hurts and slights, the wounding, the fear – and you stay there, being angry, feeing hurt, feeling attacked or criticized and are probably defensive. Just about the last thing you want do is to go any deeper and start investigating your own motives. Therefore you won’t be able to rise above the tumult and investigate the cause of their discomfort – your withholding – and meaningfully respond.
Going deeper means going past the conflict to look at what fears and beliefs are driving your behavior. It means confronting your demons, realizing that they do not represent the truth and in the process depriving them of the power you already give them. But you don’t want to do that. Your ego fears that your demons are right, that there really is something wrong with you, and that going deeper will only confirm that belief. What you really want is to get out of the situation! But of course, that only means that you will repeat the experience somewhere else.
In sort of an ironic twist, your reluctance is also a safety mechanism that keeps you out of territory that you don’t think you are prepared to handle – or at least that’s what your ego thinks. But really you can deal with a good deal more than that. Again, this is an expression of your lack of love for yourself.
Remember, the Universe has gone to great lengths to create this learning situation (problem) specifically for you (and the others involved), and regardless of how the situation feels, The Universe never gives you more than you can handle, but sadly, you’re ego thinks you are not ready. In doing this you fail to see, as I said, that at the core of the situation is an aspect of what you came here to finish.
The Universe on the other hand, is wanting you to do just the opposite. It wants you to go deeper, to explore what got triggered, that caused you to react as you did. It wants you to look into your ego-driven fears and anxieties. It is asking you to dissect your demons – to deal with your ego-based beliefs and fears and realize that none of them could possibly be true. So it will bring you situation after situation (problem after problem) until you get it.
The Universe is on a mission. Your reaction, your fear, is an expression of the ego-based belief that something is “wrong” with you. It is an expression of the lack of self love you came here to resolve. And, The Universe is not going to stop until you surrender your ego and accept the truth about who and what you are.
So, what to do? You can continue to get beaten up by life until you get so sick and tired of the struggle, that you surrender your ego. Or, you can short circuit the longer process and do an end run on your ego. What that does is to eliminate the mind games the ego plays and refuse to let it engage in it’s acts of deception and manipulation. In either case you are dumping the ego, which you will have to do in order to complete what you came here for. It really is a case of, “Do it now, or do it later.” Only later means slogging through a lot more pain.
I promised you a solution to your life problems. And I told you that it was so simple that you wouldn’t believe it. The thing is, it works! It works because it accomplishes the same thing you would achieve by enduring good deal of struggle and grief and end up in the same place anyway! The solution is to:
Good, bad, sweet, sour, happy, sad – whatever – LOVE IT! Recognize that everything that happens here is a part of God’s plan, and everything – the good, the bad and the ugly – is just everyone getting their individual lessons. Everything is exactly as it is supposed to be. Events may motivate you to do something about the pain around you, but that too, is a part of the plan. And LOVING EVERYTHING of course, means loving yourself.
Even if you don’t buy the above explanation, consider this: the ego has been successful up to now, because you were willing to believe its message that something was wrong with you. Now if you start to LOVE EVERYTHING – especially yourself – one of two things is going to happen: either you will confirm that you are a piece of garbage and then you can continue as you were before, or you will realize the truth. But even if I told you the truth right now, you probably wouldn’t believe it anyway. But ultimately the truth is going to set you free . . .
And that is going to present you with another dilemma – you are going to have to accept the truth. You will no longer be able to hide behind the fog of unworthiness and self-doubt. And that feels like a big step! (It’s not, it just feels like it.) But, that is why we are given so many opportunities in life to “get it.” The Universe knows this is a difficult and stressful process.
The real question might seem, who is going to win – you or your ego? But that’s really not the issue. See the thing is, The Universe is going to win this one. And like it or not, you don’t have any choice in that. You do get to decide how long to draw out the process, but that only means prolonging your suffering. At some point you are going to have to surrender your ego. There is only one exit on this highway and over the exit is a sign that reads, “NO EGO BEYOND THIS POINT.” One way or the other, you’re going to go home! As the Spartans used to say, “Come home with your shield or on it!”
As you work on practicing LOVING EVERYTHING, there is an intermediate step I will ask you to consider. I want to return to our discussion of a problem for a moment. Whatever “they” did, it was, in all probability, only a dent to your ego, to your pride. Alright, they hurt your feelings, bruised your ego. I am not asking you to forget what they did, but also recognize that short of a physical act, whatever they said, evaporated in the same breath it was pronounced in. After all, words are only vibrations in the air – until you give them meaning. You can walk away from this one if you choose.
If you feel inclined, you can tell them about what they did. But as you do this, recognize that they were struggling with their own inner demons and this is what drove them to act as they did. Their reaction had very little to do with you! And so long as there was not a physical violation or something like slander, you can make the choice to move to forgiveness. My point is that even when they are being completely foolish, you can still love them for who they are. After all, we are all God’s children. And you still don’t have to like what they did. But you will feel better for moving to forgiveness. Hilary Woldt wrote:
It took me a long time to understand what it means to forgive someone. I always wondered how I could forgive someone who chose to hurt me? But after a lot of soul searching, I realized that forgiveness is not about accepting or excusing their behavior. It’s about letting it go and preventing their behavior from destroying my Heart.
Ask yourself, who are you holding negative feelings about right now? And how long have those feelings been there? Who is really being harmed by this? Clue – It isn’t them! Consider that all they did was to rip the scab off something you felt vulnerable about. Even as a small child you would have felt that.
What you are really angry about is that they brought it to the surface for everyone to see. Recognize please, that this is the way The Universe brings stuff out of the depths of your being so that you will be (hopefully) motivated to look at it and then do something about it. This is not an easy way to do things, but it is an incredibly powerful technique. So yes, it’s painful and it feels unfair, but it really works! Dr. Seuss wrote, “Nobody said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.”
These negative feelings are the only punishment you give yourself for someone else’s “mistakes.” It also gives you a clue as to how vulnerable you are to someone else’s criticism. Sure you want to keep your distance from hurtful or dishonest people, but judging them, just further entangles you in their web, and although it may seem useful in the moment, in the long run, it harms only you. To reinforce what I have just said, I want to give you a corollary to the LOVE EVERYTHING premise and ask you to give it some serious consideration:
ANYTHING YOU DO NOT LOVE WILL BECOME A LESSON.
Anything you try to hang on to that is not real will eventually create friction in your life. Of all the things we concern ourselves with, the only thing that is eternal is . . . your love. And especially your love for yourself.
Let’s say you are in a relationship that really doesn’t suit you. Your dissatisfaction won’t go away, no matter how you try to bury it. Something needs to change. Either you need to change or they do (or both!). If things don’t change, the stress may move you into depression, or for you to have an affair or it may manifest internally as heart disease, arthritis or cancer.
And this is doubly true if the one you’re having trouble with is your self! Those internal dialogues can be absolute hell! The point to all of this is that your unresolved stress is guaranteed to have an impact! Although we’d like it to evaporate, until you change, it doesn’t go away. And this is The Universe’s way of trying to wake you up so that you will take better care of yourself (love yourself!).
Take a moment and consider the many ways you short-change yourself, where you sell out to your ego’s fears, where you hold back, don’t engage and don’t ask for what you really deserve. This is not to make what you do wrong, it just illustrates where you are in your process. The question is, “Are you being held hostage by your ego?”
Take a look in the mirror. The image you see is the only one who can ever make you truly happy. So, treat yourself like someone you truly love, because YOU ARE ENOUGH! Consider saying to that image in the mirror, “You are the person I have been looking for!” And, if you get any response, don’t ignore it, take it seriously. It is probably an inner kid, and you don’t want to ignore that.
So yes, like the rest of us, you have problems (don’t miss that – everyone has problems!). But, if you can come to view your problems as learning opportunities, as potential doorways to whatever is next, you move yourself more gently and easily into the future. And that isn’t a mind game. That’s actually putting yourself closer to the truth. So my recommendation is that you might as well surrender to unconditional love right now, because you’re going have to do it anyway . . . eventually. And like the ripples spreading on a pond, think about the effects – through the whole world – that your compassion and kindness will create. And you’ll save yourself a lot of wear and tear in the process.
copyright©Blue Lotus Press 2018