“I want” may be the most debilitating phrase in the English language. Of course, we all want things – to eat, to be safe and warm, to be cared about, to grow spiritually. But when we mix the ego into it, wanting can take on a whole other dimension. “I want to be happy,” “I want love,” or “I want abundance,” become much more than simple expressions of desire. They seem harmless, but they all say, “I don’t have what I need and I must get it from some external source.” None of that, of course, is true.
For example, just about everyone wants to be a better person. But, you either do it or you don’t. “Wanting” in this context, is a way to avoid making the ego sacrifice necessary to be more loving, for example. And this is true for all false wanting. If your not “doing it” you are holding back, fearful to step in and take the risk necessary to make that happen.
So you say, “I want more love in my life”. The unspoken message is, “I’m afraid to give up my ego and be vulnerable so that a relationship can happen.” The same thing is true with wanting more abundance. The unspoken message is, “I am reluctant to love myself that much.” That’s why we want the white knight to come along and sweep us up, so we don’t have to take out the garbage.
Let’s take the abundance thing. It’s a common theme for life coaches and you see quite a bit written about the “Law of Attraction” these days. Let’s say you “want” abundance. First, that tells us that you are not happy with your present situation. Fine. Then change it. Your present situation exists because you have refused the abundance The Universe freely offers you. But you want it on your terms or maybe you’re waiting for someone to give it to you. Having abundance means making a sacrifice. It means giving something up that you think has value – your self protection – and taking the risk to fail.
The dissatisfaction you feel is there to motivate you to deal with whatever you are doing (example: not loving yourself) to push abundance away. “Wanting” is a way to externalize the problem and avoid dealing with the ego issues that get in the way of your natural abundance. The problem is you stay stuck. But that’s not all. “I want” is guaranteed to create suffering. It says, “I do not accept what is and I am willing to change, but only on my terms.” Which really means, “I’m not willing to give up the sanctuary of my ego protection.”
“Success” in life means taking risks. It means challenging the beliefs you hold about yourself and finding out that they are really untrue. But that means taking risks, it means being vulnerable, it means sacrifice. But the wonderful thing is that you are never asked to sacrifice anything real. You can’t give those things up anyway. All you can sacrifice is the false stuff you hang on to that gives you the pretense of security. The really “good stuff” is out there – but its beyond your ego.
By the way, when I’m talking about abundance, I’m not necessarily talking about money. Money is a man made thing, and it’s fraught with problems. It takes a developed consciousness to handle wealth and remain centered. The Universe would prefer that you concentrate on real things like love, compassion, friends, helping others, etc. Those don’t risk your slipping into the ego issues of greed, power and narcissism.
And the thing to keep in mind is that if you don’t do it today, you’re going to be asked, more forcefully, to do it tomorrow. Hanging on to false beliefs about yourself is not an option. Sure, you can get by today, but you cannot dodge the issue forever. And, facing some fear today is one heck of a lot easier than dealing with the consequences of resistance.
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