Most of us live in two worlds. There is the adult world with your job or career, your kids and family. You have built a fairly nice life for yourself there. Most of the people in this world are loving and kind. They care about you. It’s not a perfect world, but you get by.
Then there is your other world, the world of your inner child. It’s the world you grew up in and it wasn’t always a pleasant place. Sometimes it was filled with pain and anxiety. Things could go badly there. People judged and criticized you, you felt inadequate. You didn’t measure up. You weren’t good enough.
In this other world you were powerless, the adults ran everything – and sometimes not very well. Their fears and anxieties dominated everything. They told you what to do, what to eat, what to wear, when to go to bed, how to behave and often, what to think. Although there was love, it was not always readily given. And there was no mechanism for you to challenge adult decisions or for your needs to be heard and respected. When it came down to it, what you desired didn’t really matter much.
As a consequence you were uncertain as to your worthiness, or even worse, believed that something was actually wrong with you. Over time you came to believe that you were unworthy, perhaps even unlovable (more about this in a minute).
Part of you still lives in that world of insecurity and doubt. When something triggers her fear, she takes over. And what takes over is a scared and powerless 3 or 6 year old, who is convinced that she is unworthy, doesn’t deserve to be loved and is worried about being criticized for being defective. And so long as she is in that state, there isn’t a whole lot you can do about it!
It would help you (and her) to see things from another perspective. You came to earth to resolve a discrepancy between who you are and who you think you are. In your present state when pushed, you react from fear and insecurity. Instead of being grounded in the truth of your beingness, you react from uncertainty. Said another way, you do not love yourself, and that leaves you feeling vulnerable.
So you and God decided you would come to earth where issues like this get resolved. And the process here is most interesting. First, you will be led to believe a set of untruths about yourself. Then over time, as those untruths bump up against the real truth, they cause conflict and friction. Tiring of the pain and the conflict, you will eventually decide that your beliefs are untrue and discard them for the truth. Remember, you have free will, so if you were going to resolve this, you had to come to these conclusions on your own, God could not give them to you. You had to decide for yourself that you were in fact, lovable and worthy.
Now from the human perspective that can seem like an unloving and sometimes cruel process, but this is the most effective way for you to learn. And by the way, in order for the process to work, you had to temporarily forget who you truly were. Otherwise the insults that life occasionally brings would just bounce off to no effect.
The point is that your childhood experiences, regardless of how you felt about them, were perfectly orchestrated to give you exactly what you needed in order to eventually resolve your feelings of inadequacy. That’s the way life works.
So you felt wounded as a child and in the process, came to believe things about yourself that weren’t true. (You’re in the middle of that process at the moment.) And it is the resolution of those untruths (those beliefs) that will eventually guide you home.
Now resolving beliefs isn’t easy. There’s a lot a stake and a superficial fix won’t hold. The movement from untruth to truth happens at many levels and can take a little time to integrate. There will be fits and starts, failures, anger, resentment, frustration and probably a good deal of anger at your parents and feelings of abandonment toward God.
In time you will come to see the perfection of the process, but that is difficult to do when you are in the middle of it. As the saying goes, “When you are up to your ass in alligators it’s difficult to remember that your initial objective was to drain the swamp.” That’s why taking a wider perspective is so important. If you can see that you are being helped rather than being punished, it makes an incredible difference.
copyright©Blue Lotus Press 2016